By Marcie Everhart
Ohmigosh!!!!! The ’80s? Are they really coming back?? Let’s check with the “expert” experts. According to Kyle Munzenrieder for W Magazine, “The ’80s Will Be The Biggest Trend of 2017, For Better or Worse.” And George Driver for Elle UK, “6 Ways To Wear SS18’s ’80s Glam Trend Via The Celebs Working Full On ‘Dynasty’ Vibes.” (SS18 is Cool Fashion Speak for Spring/Summer 2018 lines.)
Aaand the most important of all — Zara.com! — that bellwether/ compass needle pointing in the direction for all our cutting-edge fashion needs!
AND the gaucho-pant-culotte matching slacks, big-honking checks, and … (here I pause to wipe a tear) … white shoes. Fashion that asks ‘just who signs the paychecks around here?’ — oh lordy, you’ve been missed. These outfits are being featured RIGHT NOW on the Zara website. That matching, fabric-covered belt is wide enough to land a plane on it. And wasn’t it a “Miami Vice” episode the last time we saw that shade of pink?
I’VE BEEN WAITING THIRTY YEARS FOR THIS.
And admit it — so have you, my over-fifty sisters. You know how I can tell? The absolute dearth of herringbone tweed, lined, two-button women’s suit jackets being sold on ebay, poshmark, and any vintage fashion re-sell sites. Nope, none to be found. Because we’re all holding on to these high-quality-fabric, bossy-shoulder-pads, tailored-to-an-inch-of-their-lives, meticulous masterpieces! Does anybody make quality like that anymore? We couldn’t actually wear these jackets without people pointing and giggling the last 20 years, but throwing it out? I think not.
There’s a lot of crap I’ve jettisoned over the years — MC Hammer pants? Sure. The 90s punk-rock, plaid mini-skirt safety-pinned together? Sayonara. The Juicy Couture velour track suit? Ha. Gone, gone, gone. And anything purchased the last 10-20 years I’ve had to cut from my washing machine agitator where it mated and shredded.
I reverently unzipped the storage bag (where I knew the Talbot’s tweeds were) to reveal a soft powder blue with darker blueberry and hunter green flecks, herringbone tweed wool, lined with a baby blue significant grosgrain lining fabric, two-button, flap-pocket ladies jacket, circa don’t-remember. I slipped into its cool, ladylike elegance and thought “D-a-a-a-a-mn — that’s a lot of fabric!” The husband looked up from his book and shook his head no. (Thank God I prescribe to the Man-Repeller School of Fashion, though.) I felt like a battleship with guns on both sides blazing! Okay. This may take a gradual getting-back-used-to.
Let’s belt it up to decrease a little of the big, boxy bulk. And we need a pant with a HUGE flare leg to ground this ship. Surely I have something like that.
Yeah, this ’80s-lady felt AWESOME sashaying around in her pastel tweedy duds. Please bring back all the sophisticated, POWERFUL dressing for women.
The Real-Real Behind the Scenes
I have two college degrees. I don’t have to wear anything that doesn’t cover my naughty bits in order to be sexy or interesting.
And btw, get off my lawn! <snort>
A Little Background Music
Herringbone Wool Jacket, Brooks Brothers, Petite Sizes only, $199. *how clever the way they’ve pinned up its shawl collar for a twist!
The ’80s jacket in 2018… boom. Zara, $149.
*Photos of Marcie by Tammy Seibert